singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
