Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
