in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
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