If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
