so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She's just so happy...and so naked.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
