We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
