I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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