y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
