When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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