I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
