You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
