dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
