My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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