hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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