that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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