hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
