How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
