Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize