Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
