id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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