Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
