I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
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It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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