don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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