Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
