I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
