he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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