So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
