If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
