I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
