margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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