oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
