Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize