We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he quoted the bible to break up with me
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
