I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
