my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize