Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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