I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
