I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
