Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
