wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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