we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
