If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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