Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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