Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
