remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
