Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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