i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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