just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
