is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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