recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
