Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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