I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize