420 ftw
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
