all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
