shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
