ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
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I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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