Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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