Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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