Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
