Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I understand Curling. That high.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
