allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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