We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
