Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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